


His First Attempt

by RichardGraysonPercyJackson



Series: I'm Sorry [6]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 09:11:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18149909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RichardGraysonPercyJackson/pseuds/RichardGraysonPercyJackson
Summary: Dick has been planning his death since he was eight. Since his parents fell.He's thirteen when he has his first "practice run"*Prequel to I'm Sorry**PLEASE READ TAGS***





	His First Attempt

Dick checked his grapple once, twice, three times.

He looked over his shoulder. No sign of Bruce. He checked his grapple again.

The line was loose. The moment he tried to jump from a roof and grapple to another, it would snap.

He called this his practice. At the moment, he knew he was going to kill himself. At thirteen years old, he knew he was going to kill himself.

He just wasn’t totally sure when or how.

Tonight was a practice run. With Bruce. A safety net, if you will.

Professionals would consider it a suicide attempt, but Dick didn’t. He wasn’t really doing it and trying to die. Of course, he wouldn’t  _ mind  _ dying, but this was just practice.

Preparing for the real thing.

Whenever the real thing would take place.

“Robin.”

He put his grapple away, in his belt, and rushed to get dressed. Everything was going to do according to plan. Bruce would be right by his side. His safety net. The line would snap, Dick would fall a few feet, Bruce would catch him. 

Bruce would catch him, Dick would shed some crocodile tears about how he  _ checked B! I swear I checked the line before patrol!  _ And everything would be okay.

Everything would be okay.

It was a practice run.

 

……….

 

“It’s quiet.”

“Yep,” Robin agreed softly. Patrol was ending. It was only a matter of time.

“We’ll head back soon.”

“Alright.”

“Robin…”

Robin looked over, frowning. Batman had almost sounded like...but no. No, Batman would never let the mast slip in the field.

“Yes?” Robin prompted.

Batman was silent for a moment. “Are you alright?”

Robin frowned. “I’m fine,” he answered, maybe a little too quickly. Batman looked at him. “What are you referencing?” Robin asked, just to check.

“Maria Williams suicide last night,” Batman answered. After a moment of hesitation he said. “You seemed shocked.”

Oh. that.  _ You mean the thing that inspired me to finally get my ass in gear and start planning?  _ Robin asked himself. Out loud, externally, he merely gave a small smile.

“I’m okay,” he admitted, turning his gaze back to the alley below. “I was just...she was young, that was all.”

Batman grunted. “Those are the most heartbreaking,” he said quietly. “They all are, but the ones under eighteen…”

“Yes?”

“They always make me think of you.”

_ Alright.  _ Robin thought to himself.  _ So I won’t make any attempts until I’m at  _ least  _ nineteen. Good. that’s a ways away. Gives me a few years to plan, at least. Get a few more practice runs in so I can make sure it all goes flawlessly. _

“Don’t worry,” he told Batman with a smile. “I’m not going anywhere for a long time.”

Batman grunted and pulled out his grappling hook. Robin inhaled sharply, pulling out his own. It was time.

They shot their lines together. They jumped together. They fell together.

The line snapped.

And Robin kept falling. Under his mask, inside his head, his eyes went wide. Batman wasn’t going to catch him in time. He was going to die sooner than intended.

_ This was just a practice run.  _ His mind said, frighteningly calm.  _ But you were fully prepared to die. _

An arm around his waist jerked him out of his thoughts and he gasped, choking as he was hauled onto the roof, clutched to-

“Robin!” Batman said firmly, rolling the young sidekick onto his back as Robin heaved for air. “Dick, can you hear me?”

“Yeah,” Dick whispered, limbs shaking violently. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

_ Falling as a potential suicide method? Check. _

No. Robin thought as he pushed himself to his feet. Falling is suicide method number one.

Everything is going according to plan.


End file.
